New Wit and Wisdom

January 2010

Having had to cut back infrastructure expenditures for this year because of the continuing fiscal crisis, President Obama has selected an oddsmaker to give each American the odds on getting across the 225 bad bridges considered to be in the”kiss your butt good-bye”category. Also under consideration is taking book or odds on each crossing or survival insurance per crossing taken at the toll booths. 

March 2116

In an effort to catch the other Big 3 banks, Citicorp today bought ParsonsHNTBKimleyStanley the last of the independent firms. “This will consolidate our presence in the infrastructure market and allow us to design,build,own and collect on 31% of  the bridges and tollways in America.” said a spokeman.

Jack BocaLarga, the House Democratic minority leader, said 19 legislators have been working for the past 3 years on different legislation to stop this movement. Republican Yuri Move, Chairman of the new House Sub-committee on  Monopoly Practices, said that “It sounds like good old fashioned capitalism to me.”

June 2017 

The board of Parsons & ParsonsB Engineers and Constructors fired CEO Bob Fullashadt after only 3 days. A company spokesperson said,”Mr.Fullashadt had a misrepresentation on his resume. He claimed he was the Project Manager on the Gravina Island Bridge which we now know was the “Bridge to Nowhere.” The spokesperson also said a board member had suggested that,” Mr. Fullashadt should now take a drive in the same space.”

4/10/09 Rumors are circulating that Gov. Palin has fired Moose Ovadahill, her former junior high school sweetheart, from his state engineer’s job. The governor was overheard responding to Moose’s assertion that the “Link to Somewhere Project” would take as long as 40 years or longer if the Governor doesn’t specify where the bridge is suppose to end. The Governor is rumored to have said that Moose never could finish anything. That is why they broke up.

5/1/09 -President Obama announced today a freeze on his massive infrastructure program citing a worsening fiscal crisis. Simultaneously, he selected the controversial Rev. Jeremiah Wright to create appropriate prayers for all Americans to recite as they crossed over any of the 278 bridges that have been classified as “gone tomorrow if not today “

Gov. Palin has authorized the State Architect to create a 400′ wooden tower in Nome, Alaska. She claimed she would be able to much more clearly see Russia which in turn “will help me refine my foreign policy skills.”

Gov. Palin launched an effort to build a bridge from Anchorage to Seattle. The Governor authorized the State Engineer to do a feasibility study for a “link to somewhere.”Palin said, ” If we can build it high enough we can use it as a moose, deer and caribou hunting platform and pay for the bridge with hunting license fees. When told by a reporter this would mean 38 million hunters per year, the Governor responded that once people tasted Alaskan caribou and moose meat , the sky would be the limit.