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Sometimes I think that Facility Manager works eight hours a day and sleep eight hours a day - the same eight hours.
The facility manager was surprised to see his obituary in the newspaper and calls his architect. “Did you see my obituary in the paper today?” The architect said: “Yes. Where are you calling from?”
Banker’s Lament: A developer was in a major financial crisis so we helped him. He told me he would never forget us. And he didn’t. Ten years later and right before his bankruptcy, he called me again with a new “opportunity.”
The best way to make sure the developer pays before he dies is to whisper about the outrageous cost of funerals to him.
With 10,000 subcontractors participating, the American Medical Society has released an exhaustive study that resolved that as of 2007 the best way to determine why a subcontractor is late is the use of a rectal thermometer
When the project is completed and really done and the six-pack downed, with the yelling out the window and the evaluations torn up into tiny pieces, it is then that you wonder…
Why architects couldn’t be more mature?.
Owner to Engineer: Your drawings are both inspiring and original, but the part that is inspiring is not original and the part that is original is not inspiring.
My client has developed a virus – Yackus - erroneous Projectus. It is a complete inability to stop creating useless details.
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I got fired from my school board facilities job when a board member came by and saw my neon plaque that said,” Over one million change orders served.”
Old Developers Lament: I have enough money to live luxuriously the rest of my life…unless my partner gets us into another project.
Have you heard of the Open Bid Contractor doll. You shake it and a voice says, “I will move when the change order is signed.” The doll comes with voodoo pins.
That developer lost all his savings. They say that a fool and his money were lucky to get together in the first place. Harry Anderson
The owner called me. He said that I no one was there and I should come over. I went over and no one was there.
That owner's rep left no good criticism unstoned.
This Facility Manager is in hospital and he is critical. He's ok, he just complaints about room, he can't stand in nurses, he hates the food.
When that building was finished, it was so dysfunctional that the owner tried to collect on his accident insurance!
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