Construction Jokes, Video Clips & Cartoons

General Jokes & Cartoons

Sun, 1 Aug 2010 4:35:39 CDT

Before my superintendent would buy lunch for anyone he always would ask for a small favor like Let s finish the five bathrooms
Derrick Operator They know he was going to drive derricks one day In math class at school he could never find the shortest distance between two points
The contractor sent a deadbeat Owner a copy of a bill saying This bill is a year old The owner wrote back Happy anniversary
She always walks onto a job site voice first
When I first met the owner s rep for this national retail chain he finished a meeting by asking What is on your mind if you ll forgive the overstatement
Interior Designer Bragging I got an A in philosophy in college because I proved that my project did not exist
A partner bought a beautiful gravestone for his late partner Its wording read Rest in Peace Until We Meet Again AUG
Our firm can be described as a loose group of professionals held together by a common heating and air conditioning system and a common complaint about the parking
Question What is more fun listening to a one sided post project owner s evaluation or having a root canal
When that building was finished it was so ugly that the owner tried to collect on his accident insurance

Architects Jokes & Cartoons

Sun, 1 Aug 2010 4:35:39 CDT

I said to my partner of 40 years that Mi casa es su casa and he said Move your ass out tomorrow
That architect has been compared to many great men and unfavorably too
This throat is killing me The doctor examines and finds the interior designer s throat that had a raging infection I know how painful this is but I can fix this immediately if I paint your throat STOP she said What color
A contractor in need is someone who you should stay away from
I would be a great for me if I could treat my architect like my doctor treats me I m busy Go back to that small room take your pants off and I ll be there
I dreamt that I had secretly created for God the most unique design solution ever offered HE said I know how you did that
A real architect is someone who walks in after everyone has walked out
I just saw Jay Ridge the architect for the last time He was my boss for 30 years He is perfectly healthy He just bores me to tears
My friend the architect prided himself on living within his income even if he had to borrow in order to do so
You can always count on Bosses Day getting the bills from Secretary s Day

Engineers Jokes & Cartoons

Sun, 1 Aug 2010 4:35:39 CDT

Engineer Fashion He never lived up to his baby pictures
Martian A Martian listened to an earthling describe how buildings were constructed with teams The Martian laughed and said Amazing that s how we make fertilizer
Laughing If an engineer cannot laugh at his own drawings at least he can laugh at others
I love being an Engineer but the job is not without its downers that make me wanting to moon city hall scream obscenities wear top hats and underwear only and wait for the white coats to haul my butt to the booby hatch
James says Sure but what am I going to do tomorrow for credit
Research from Harvard University indicates that engineers who visit Starbucks more than four times per day are designing sewage treatment with six times the necessary flow and capacity
Bridge PM Bridge project management is a near death experience
Bridge project management is a near death experience
Junior Partner I know a fellow who has been a junior partner for 20 years It has one outstanding advantage it will shorten the damage he will do as a senior partner
Engineer Parting I ll never see my engineer again He retired and is perfectly healthy He is just is too boring

Owners Jokes & Cartoons

Sun, 1 Aug 2010 4:35:39 CDT

That owner s PM used to be decent but he broke himself of the habit
Business is so bad developers who don t pay aren t building
Does that owner go to the manicurist or does he do his own claws
Old Developers Lament I have enough money to live luxuriously the rest of my life unless my partner gets us into another project
There are two things that I do not like about that zoning official her face
I would not go into that Facility Managers office without a tetanus shot
The design builder was furious He called over his PM and said I just found out that you ve been getting huge kickbacks from our suppliers and making our costs just about doubles what they should be I also know that you sold our new designs to another developer and I understand that last month you fooled around with my wife Believe me when I tell you this One more thing and you are out
Lament One day you wake and think You know I think I will never need to sleep eat drink or have sex again Congratulations you are now our ready to start your construction project
I couldn t ask for a better owner as much as I would like to Mary Lou Terry
A prosecuting attorney said to the project manager defendant Why did you shoot the PM with a bow and arrow He answered I didn t want to wake the electrician

Contractors Jokes & Cartoons

Sun, 1 Aug 2010 4:35:39 CDT

A rabbi a minister and a Contractor arrived in heaven at the same time There was only room for one that day so St Peter turned down the men of the cloth Opening the door wide for the contractor he said You have scared more Hell out of people with your estimating then they did with the bible
Contractor How many of you here graduated from Middle School And how many of you paid to get admitted
I had this Italian partner He believed anything could be solved by food He proactively sent Italian cookies when a client was about to explode and was always surprised by the explosion and the demand for more cookies
Contractor Pleads Would you consider helping me I am late I have no money left The project has flaws and I have a gun
This contractor misuses money so badly that he can park in the handicapped spot
We take the first six months of the project and teach the subs how to walk and talk and the last 12 months telling them to sit down and shut up
Construction patriarch Insanity is hereditary You can get it from your kids
I found my electric sub shorted himself 3 500 less than was right First I thought I wouldn t tell him but then I said to myself how would I feel in the reverse situation I decided that this would have been a growing experience for me
A contractor called his subs together and told them I owe you about a million dollars My assets come to 1 200 You can divvy that up If not you can just cut me up into small pieces and divide those One sub said If we do that can I have his gall
A contractor is only as loyal as his options

Subcontractors Jokes & Cartoons

Sun, 1 Aug 2010 4:35:39 CDT

That carpenter makes money the American way He trips over stuff and sues people
Subcontractors Lament Working for one homebuilder is like having your favorite soft drink anytime that s if you like a good hot Dr Pepper
On a payroll day a fellow walks into the bookkeeping office of a large contractor and says Give me all of your money The manager says Take the books also I m 55 000 short
Wreckers lament wreckers are macho guys You can t expect honest discussions because they don t get it Hello Jack What s happening Well to be honest there s an aching for a deep inside me that I just can t seem to fill Uhhhh have a beer
It is not the job of being a tractor driver that he likes It s the people he runs into
We call our site cleaners commercial because they only appear during commercials
The subcontractors lament Death came for him but took one look at his T shirt and left
An elderly man walked into an electrical contractor s office He said Can I talk to Steve Webster The manager said He is not here He is at your funeral
Loopholes That excavator s father spent three weeks trying to find loopholes in his birth certificate
That subcontractor hates to do any kind of work A few years ago he once found himself unemployed and then he quit