Construction Jokes, Video Clips & Cartoons Enjoy the best humor for the design and construction industry. Watch funny construction clips, read the funniest jokes for contractors, engineers, architects, subcontractors and owners. http://www.newwitandwisdom.com Tue, 8 Apr 2008 13:14:01 -0400 Sun, 18 May 2008 13:21:48 CDT Imperial Web Solutions Feed Generator V0.1 http://www.imperialwebsolutions.net http://newwitandwisdom.com/images/logo.jpg Construction Jokes, Clips & Cartoons http://www.newwitandwisdom.com Construction Humor and Cartoons 123 150 General Jokes & Cartoons general cartoon, funny, humor, joke

  • If you don t have a tolerance for turbulence don t even think about working in IT


  • This project had so many late attendees at their daily meetings that they open at 8AM sharp and ended at 11 30AM dull


  • Business Developer s Surprise When I was born I was surprised to find out that I wouldn t be able to speak for at least a year


  • Everyone works during the summer Some kids look so young When they say Good morning all I can muster up is Good luck with theyour zits


  • As a Woman general contractor we are constantly fighting for respect The last time people cared about respecting me was when I was a dishing out a cooked lunch for all the subs And the next time they will care about me is when I die and come back as a football player


  • Getting along with building inspectors is unbelievably challenging Our relationship is like trying to put together a 2500 piece puzzle all sky AUG


  • Question What is more likely the over 60 crowd in a firm mastering text messaging on their cell phones or their submitting to getting their first pedicure


  • Now I don t want to sound like an alarmist but getting zoning approvals is so fraught with misdirection s Rip Van Winkle bureaucrats and silent U turns that it would be more productive to camp out at the bathrooms in city hall and pray


  • Sharon the Architect wrote back Dear Joe so glad to hear from you I know I said no to someone last night but I forgot who it was AUG


  • When I first met the owner s rep for this national retail chain he finished a meeting by asking What is on your mind if you ll forgive the overstatement


    • ]]> http://www.newwitandwisdom.com/jokes.php?section=general http://www.newwitandwisdom.com/jokes.php?section=general Sun, 18 May 2008 13:21:48 CDT Architects Jokes & Cartoons architects cartoon, funny, humor, joke

    • Architects Lament I believe in reincarnation because I know that in a past life everyone was always yelling at me


    • You can always count on Bosses Day getting the bills from Secretary s Day


    • When I was in architectural school I had the perfect costume I wore the devil s ears carried a portable whoopee cushion a broom and trick or treated as an architectural critic


    • I haven t spoken to my designer for 5 years I hate to interrupt her


    • It is a good idea to shop around before you settle on an architect Ask about the condition of his old Lexus whether his thousand dollar suit was bought new And whether his CADS were bought when he got into practice fifteen years ago


    • That architect has been compared to many great men and unfavorably too


    • My friend the architect prided himself on living within his income even if he had to borrow in order to do so


    • That firm always maintained that it didn t care about money That s because they never had any


    • Procrastinate now why wait


    • My architect is leaving tomorrow to pose for wall at the Vatican


      • ]]> http://www.newwitandwisdom.com/jokes.php?section=architects http://www.newwitandwisdom.com/jokes.php?section=architects Sun, 18 May 2008 13:21:48 CDT Engineers Jokes & Cartoons engineers cartoon, funny, humor, joke

      • Environmental Eyesore He had a Napa Sonoma T shirt it had wine and cheese all over it


      • I love being an Engineer but the job is not without its downers that make me wanting to moon city hall scream obscenities wear top hats and underwear only and wait for the white coats to haul my butt to the booby hatch


      • Bridge PM Bridge project management is a near death experience


      • Laughing If an engineer cannot laugh at his own drawings at least he can laugh at others


      • Engineer Fashion He never lived up to his baby pictures


      • Happiness Being happy is having supportive thoughtful focused partners in another city


      • Management Communication We never talked as a senior management group Communication was posting slanted articles on the bulletin board in the lunchroom


      • As a partner I was tough to get along with They said I had many personalities of which none was ever profitable


      • Engineer Torture If you ever wanted to torture that engineer tie his hands up and right in front of him spill cola on his keyboard


      • Engineer Fashion In the office you can always identify in the engineers who did their own shopping They should have sign on around their necks that say Please Please Do not mock me I got my fashion tips from Popular Mechanics


        • ]]> http://www.newwitandwisdom.com/jokes.php?section=engineers http://www.newwitandwisdom.com/jokes.php?section=engineers Sun, 18 May 2008 13:21:48 CDT Owners Jokes & Cartoons owners cartoon, funny, humor, joke

        • The Twelfth Commandment Never embarrass thy owner s rep Except when money is involved


        • There are two things that I do not like about that zoning official her face


        • The Eleventh Commandment Thou shalt not surprise thy owner except when money is involved


        • Banker s Lament A developer was in a major financial crisis so we helped him He told me he would never forget us And he didn t Ten years later and right before his bankruptcy he called me again with a new opportunity


        • That building inspector did the work of two men John Dillinger and Al Capone


        • The owner called me He said that I no one was there and I should come over I went over and no one was there


        • 65 Year Old Developer s Lament People say I m a self made man but I think if I had to do it again I would outsource the design construction sales property management and financing and watch from the beach


        • Peevie That hospital building has four walls and tomorrow s complaints inside


        • A developer Joe e mailed Dear Sharon please forgive me but I am becoming forgetful I offered you the job last night but I forgot whether you said yes or no


        • I think there is a commonality to zoning officials They all suck


          • ]]> http://www.newwitandwisdom.com/jokes.php?section=owners http://www.newwitandwisdom.com/jokes.php?section=owners Sun, 18 May 2008 13:21:48 CDT Contractors Jokes & Cartoons contractors cartoon, funny, humor, joke

          • Regarding Shaky Warranties He is the kind of contractor who will always be there when he needs you


          • On General contractor supervision They usually have two managers on site except when they are busy elsewhere when they have none


          • California Contractors lament I do love California It is much better though when is still The concept of opening up the earth and swallowing me and my truck is not my concept of a fun I worked for people like that


          • Their PM s head is so big it has its own zip code


          • A rabbi a minister and a Contractor arrived in heaven at the same time There was only room for one that day so St Peter turned down the men of the cloth Opening the door wide for the contractor he said You have scared more Hell out of people with your estimating then they did with the bible


          • Regarding Client Service You can lead a horse to water but if he would leap a 10 branch click his hooves mid air and gallop at 50MPH you might have something the client would appreciate


          • The design builder was furious He called over his PM and said I just found out that you ve been getting huge kickbacks from our suppliers and making our costs just about doubles what they should be I also know that you sold our new designs to another developer and I understand that last month you fooled around with my wife Believe me when I tell you this one more thing and you are fired


          • I had this Italian partner He believed anything could be solved by food He proactively sent Italian cookies when a client was about to explode and was always surprised by the explosion and the demand for more cookies


          • I don t like septic tank installers It is not my intention to disparage them And for the installers disparage means to put down


          • Contractor How many of you here graduated from Middle School And how many of you paid to get admitted


            • ]]> http://www.newwitandwisdom.com/jokes.php?section=contractors http://www.newwitandwisdom.com/jokes.php?section=contractors Sun, 18 May 2008 13:21:48 CDT Subcontractors Jokes & Cartoons subcontractors cartoon, funny, humor, joke

            • Concrete Drivers revenge I hate driving on the interstate in that far lane next to where white cement trucks run down the middle lane Oh it is not that I am afraid of them Nope What freaks me out is the huge black marks they have left on the concrete separators on my left


            • Subcontractors Lament Last Halloween was really horrible I went to the general contractor s party as a pi ata and got the crap beaten out of me for the second time that day


            • He was the typical story of a subcontractor residential He went from Day School to night court


            • Being a framer is like my Cub Scout days without the supervision


            • Working for Myself I work for myself which is except for when I call in sick I know I am lying


            • A Contractor Heir s Insight I have never been the envious type Not even when Dad finished the sixth grade a year before I did


            • We call our site cleaners commercial because they only appear during commercials


            • Wreckers lament wreckers are macho guys You can t expect honest discussions because they don t get it Hello Jack What s happening Well to be honest there s an aching for a deep inside me that I just can t seem to fill Uhhhh have a beer


            • Concrete Drivers Lament By law I must turn on my lights when it s raining in Florida OK but who is telling us when it s raining there


            • It is hard for a 6 4 275 lb painter to explain to his 5 8 160 lb helper why KFC is bad for him


              • ]]> http://www.newwitandwisdom.com/jokes.php?section=subcontractors http://www.newwitandwisdom.com/jokes.php?section=subcontractors Sun, 18 May 2008 13:21:48 CDT