Construction Jokes, Video Clips & Cartoons

General Jokes & Cartoons

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 1:53:34 CST

Legend of St Patrick is that he drove all the snakes out of Ireland and into general contractor school
Question for Business Developers What is harder to get senior managers to agree to a limited focus on marketing targets or getting three year olds to use chopsticks without a mess
They say architects or engineers who have partners live longer It just seems longer
I don t know anything about GPS I don t even know when to change the oil
Getting along with building inspectors is unbelievably challenging Our relationship is like trying to put together a 2500 piece puzzle all sky AUG
This project had so many late attendees at their daily meetings that they open at 8AM sharp and ended at 11 30AM dull
Never give up chasing new projects Look at what would have happened to the chemist who only got to Preparation G AUG
The contractor sent a deadbeat Owner a copy of a bill saying This bill is a year old The owner wrote back Happy anniversary
We have been partners for 45 years but that has been out of spite
Derrick Driver It is not the job of a concrete truck driver that he likes It is the people that he runs into

Architects Jokes & Cartoons

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 1:53:34 CST

Architectural triumph we celebrated this office building s finish in an old fashioned way We invited the whole team including the new owners We had a great feast of lobsters and steaks and then I killed them and occupied the building
When my architect checks out of a hotel three weeks later the mirror is still warm
Email from Developer to Architect Send plans If good I will send check Response from Architect Send Check If good I will send plans
I just saw Jay Ridge the architect for the last time He was my boss for 30 years He is perfectly healthy He just bores me to tears
I said to my partner of 40 years that Mi casa es su casa and he said Move your ass out tomorrow
The architect did not necessarily feel that he was God He would always listen when he spoke unto himself
That firm always maintained that it didn t care about money That s because they never had any
A father asked the young architect who had been seeing his daughter about his finances What will be your yearly income The father asked 60 000 He said Not too shabby Came the reply When you add my daughters 40K that will be decent enough Oh I already counted her 40K
An architect started a business on a shoestring In 6 months he tripled his investment Now what is he going to do with the other shoestring
What were your interior designer s last words She had no last words Her partner was with her until the very end

Engineers Jokes & Cartoons

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 1:53:34 CST

The engineers charged us nothing for their show and it was worth it too
Environmental Engineers Lament I could keep the Ozone where it belongs without this entire environmental BS Just give me some astronauts and a billion yards of Saran wrap
If being interesting is the key to cloning than the 25th century will be the time for the first engineering clone
James says Sure but what am I going to do tomorrow for credit
You must be very careful when you talk about him You re talking about the man he loves
Environmental contractor s confession Whenever I m down in the dumps I buy myself a shirt The other one said I ve always wondered where you got them
Junior Partner I know a fellow who has been a junior partner for 20 years It has one outstanding advantage it will shorten the damage he will do as a senior partner
Slide Rules Use a slide rule today Go to jail immediately It should be the law
Engineering is 95 mental The other half is physical
E Engineers Humility I know that you wanted to hear the latest dope OK then I m here

Owners Jokes & Cartoons

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 1:53:34 CST

There are two things that I do not like about that zoning official her face
Lament One day you wake and think You know I think I will never need to sleep eat drink or have sex again Congratulations you are now our ready to start your construction project
I think there is a commonality to zoning officials They all suck
The best way to make sure the developer pays before he dies is to whisper about the outrageous cost of funerals to him
A prosecuting attorney said to the project manager defendant Why did you shoot the PM with a bow and arrow He answered I didn t want to wake the electrician
That developer lost all his savings They say that a fool and his money were lucky to get together in the first place Harry Anderson
The Twelfth Commandment Never embarrass thy owner s rep Except when money is involved
When that building was finished it was so dysfunctional that the owner tried to collect on his accident insurance
Their budgets are a systematic way of living way beyond the owners means
A developer Joe e mailed Dear Sharon please forgive me but I am becoming forgetful I offered you the job last night but I forgot whether you said yes or no

Contractors Jokes & Cartoons

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 1:53:34 CST

California Contractors lament I do love California It is much better though when is still The concept of opening up the earth and swallowing me and my truck is not my concept of a fun I worked for people like that
I had this Italian partner He believed anything could be solved by food He proactively sent Italian cookies when a client was about to explode and was always surprised by the explosion and the demand for more cookies
I don t like septic tank installers It is not my intention to disparage them And for the installers disparage means to put down
A rabbi a minister and a Contractor arrived in heaven at the same time There was only room for one that day so St Peter turned down the men of the cloth Opening the door wide for the contractor he said You have scared more Hell out of people with your estimating then they did with the bible
Having a big project gives my life purpose At this moment my purpose is to get some sleep
On General contractor supervision They usually have two managers on site except when they are busy elsewhere when they have none
Every project I had a very bizarre architect Same architect he was just bizarre
We take the first six months of the project and teach the subs how to walk and talk and the last 12 months telling them to sit down and shut up
Regarding on time docs Nothing is impossible Some things are just less likely than others
A contractor called his subs together and told them I owe you about a million dollars My assets come to 1 200 You can divvy that up If not you can just cut me up into small pieces and divide those One sub said If we do that can I have his gall

Subcontractors Jokes & Cartoons

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 1:53:34 CST

Loopholes That excavator s father spent three weeks trying to find loopholes in his birth certificate
An elderly man walked into an electrical contractor s office He said Can I talk to Steve Webster The manager said He is not here He is at your funeral
The Shooting A prosecuting attorney said to the PM defendant Why did you shoot your painter with a bow and arrow She answered I didn t want to wake up the electrician
It is not the job of being a tractor driver that he likes It s the people he runs into
10 Roofers lamentation I mentored a roofer who is 10 years younger than I am When he was 14 and learning to read I was 24 and learning to read
How can you tell the Septic contractor at a wedding Answer He is the one with the cleanest T Shirt
If the boss of a cleaning crew is named Dusty fire them
High heel boots were invented for lady superintendents that didn t want to step in it
Fat subcontractors are more fun than skinny ones They bring beer and cokes to the site while the skinny ones only bring half pints of water And the fat ones give the best directions If you want to go somewhere ask the plump one OK If you make a right at Kentucky Fried go two blocks to a left behind the Dunkin Donuts you make a right after the Burger King
My partner has the worst handwriting He wrote a note to all our new contractor s bookkeeper and handed it to her She gave him all of the money